“…If they begin to rant on you, it has been advised to do what they call “shut the door”. Let them know you are behind the program, and if they continue talking in this way you will have to hang up the phone. (assuming it is a phone conversation) Save this rant for family therapy.”

This makes me so mad, they are pretty much telling parents not to believe their own children. It’s from this troubled teen blog, I bit.ly’d the web address so as not to promote the site. Why “save this rant” for family therapy? So the therapist can continue the brainwashing on both the child and parent?

The whole thing reads to like it’s indoctrinating parents into the abuse, like explaining they may not have contact with their kid for four weeks, or this doozy: “While your child is in treatment, it will never feel right.”

I know it’s the same old program drivel, but….ugh.

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Here is the full text from the post so no one has to give them traffic:

First Weeks Teen Residential Treatment or Therapeutic Boarding School

June 11, 2008 · 1 comment

in Adolescent Residential Treatment Centers

 First, Adolescent Residential Treatment is not a Mental Hospital or Correctional Institution. They are dealing with teens that may be experiencing emotional and/or behavioral difficulties and because of these difficulties are not able to function what is commonly thought of as normal teenage behavior. They may be harming themselves or others but are NOT criminals or have significant mental problems. This is not Teen Boot Camp. So that you know they cannot take the teenager out of your son or daughter

Once you have made the decision your child would benefit from this sort of program, what happens once they leave home or arrive? Since I am not the teen I really don’t know but I can give you my version as a parent.

1. If you did not personally take your child to the facility or had an escort service they call you to let you know your teen has arrived.
2. You teen is assigned a unit (can be 8 – 12 kids) and a therapist. The therapist assignment can be the most important aspect of the program.  From my experience, the therapist can make or break the experience for your family and the teen. Sometimes whoever helped with placement knows the therapists and will make a recommendation on behalf of teen and the issues.
3. Next is letting go – This can be the most difficult part of the program for parents, trusting the program and your decision. Like most parents before treatment, your life is chaotic with your teen at home and trying to manage the situation. Now, this responsibility has been delegated and letting go can be harder than you think.
4. Most programs do not allow you to have any contact with your teen until they have settled (a bit) into the program and the routine. This can be a minimum of two weeks or take as long as four weeks, it really is up to your teen.  All programs have levels and on arrival it is some form of an introductory level. They can go in any direction from the introductory level (don’t be surprised if it is down).
5. Now your teen has settled in a bit (notice I say a bit). Most facilities will then set up a time for weekly phone calls. Usually it is about 20 minutes a week, it could be one 20 minute call a week or two 10 minute calls a week. Depending on the facility these calls can be monitored for appropriate behavior by your teen. Our first call may have been with the therapist and our teen.
6. Expect your teen to be mad at you,  and tell you how awful it is, how the staff mistreats them, their roommates are ax murderers and if you really wanted to help them you would bring them home. Expect the manipulating and guilt tripping. If they begin to rant on you, it has been advised to do what they call “shut the door”.  Let them know you are behind the program, and if they continue talking in this way you will have to hang up the phone. (assuming it is a phone conversation) Save this rant for family therapy.
7. By now the therapist should have introduced themselves and evaluated your teen (along with the many other professionals). A family therapy time will be set up. This is usually a conference call with the parents, therapist, your teen and can be either weekly or bi-weekly.
8. This list is simplified, but something to take note; A facility does not have to keep your teen, once they are placed. So don’t think just because they got accepted it is a done deal. I have been in a situation where they made us move our teen. Sometimes that can be tougher than placing them for the first time. Some facilities have what they call a parent coordinator; for first time or new families this role can be very comforting. The therapists are busy people and cannot always deal with parent questions and concerns. Lastly, letting go can really make the difference between your relationship with the facility and your teens recovery.
9. While your child is in treatment, it will never feel right.  Expect to have bad days and worse days, but when you see your son or daughter making positive changes the rewards can be great.
10. I can’t just have 9 points, so believe in your decision and take care of yourself while they are away,  they won’t be there forever and one day they will come home.)

Tagged as: letting go, phone calls, teen manipulation, therapist

{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }

1 Dee November 9, 2009 at 10:57 am

How do I handle friends and relatives that are not supportive of our decision to place our son in a RTC? One relative in particular ignores my phone calls and refused to talk to me. How to I respond to this without sounding defensive or starting “war”? Thanks!

(Sources: http://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/m0sxv/brainwashing_parents_expect_your_teen_to_be_mad/, http://bit.ly/s9d0va)

1. Families with ‘troubled teens’ often have other issues that need to be fixed.

Any therapy that excuses parents and blames the child may be a fraud.

2. Any program that tries to rush you into making a placement decision, may be a fraud.

Programs will say things like “When a parent has to make a placement decision in a hurry …” in pitching their program. That is a sign that they are more interested in making the sale, than in assisting the parent in making the correct decision.

3. Any referral service that tries to get you to ignore the financial impact of your decision, is probably a fraud.

Ed Con Artists and referral sources often try to work on your guilt or ego to convince you that more expensive is better. They will never tell you that the best solution to a family system program is most like a community resource that is relatively inexpensive or free. Instead, the Ed Con Artist will try to talk you into maxing out your credit cards or taking a second mortgage on your house to ‘show your love’ for your child. Do not fall for this obvious scam.

If they say things like “The most expensive residential school or program is the one that doesn’t work. ” watch out. There is no scientific evidence that residential schools or programs work. There is substantial evidence that they do not.

4. Any troubled teen program that advises you to ignore your child’s complaints about abuse or injury because your child is trying to ‘manipulate’ you, is a potentially abusive program.

(Sources: http://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/, http://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/gc8z0/welcome_to_rtroubledteens_now_what/c1msq1p, http://www.reddit.com/r/troubledteens/comments/gc8z0/welcome_to_rtroubledteens_now_what/c1mssbn)